A brief, two-week, fun-filled holiday to Germany turned into quite an emotional journey as well. For one, automatic soap dispensers blew my mind. I forgot those existed and had no idea how to operate one in the airport (Kathi, you are so awkward! I know...). For another, I had plenty of time to do some evaluation of my experience thus far. Stepping out of Malawi and into a world more familiar made me realize how much I have changed.
Yet, the world I entered was not so familiar anymore. For instance, it's Germany, not America, but it is a world of many amenities. What? I don't have to wait on the side of the road for three hours to get to a grocery store? No rice and beans for two whole weeks?! Pizza and doner kebabs and schnitzel and chocolate and beer and wine at my disposal?!?!
However, I could sense myself comparing everything to Malawi. I referred to prices in kwacha, not euros. I told stories of my failures (there seems to be a lot more than I remember) and accomplishments (a lot fewer than I would expect) and at the same time trying not to bore everyone with my new life - my new life that I barely fit into and my old one that I can barely recognize. Limbo. Always in limbo.
The worst part is that I was surrounded by people who love me (Kathi, you're crazy! I know...). It was overwhelming. They love me and don't care about my failures and praise my mini accomplishments and not once did they demand that I loan them something and then not return it or ask for an obscene amount of money because obviously I am rich (okay, these things happens quite a bit in Malawi. I don't hold grudges and I understand the culture behind it - it's just exhausting to be seen as a dollar sign). They never stared or pointed or chased me around calling me azungu. They comforted me when I had my minor emotional moments when I got quiet and pensive and then sad and finally hungry.
We laughed. We played Uno. We played Apples to Apples. We drank schnapps when our tummies hurt after too much food. We swam in warm waters, visited Christmas markets and watched the final Harry Potter (YES!). Breakfasts of hard rolls and deli meat, whiskey tasting and visited castles on the Rein. Giant cheeseburgers danced in my head followed by beer by the liter. Gluwein, schnitzel and currywurst will tempt me in my dreams for the next 16 months and I can only hope that the chilly days I spent in Germany will stay with me for a little while as I drown in my own sweat on my concrete floor in my house. Thank you, thank you for everything. I love you so very much. I am lucky, blessed and spoiled.
And here I am in the Ethiopian airport, still saddened by my good-byes in Germany to my amazing and supportive family. I am struggling to get pumped for my arrival in Malawi (in about 4 short hours) but I might need some coffee or liquid sunshine or sleep before I can feel anything else.
For the record - I am not about to ET on anybody, so don't be getting any ideas. I am just reflecting. I am so very happy and grateful for the time I got to spend in Germany - it was too short! It was much needed (although I didn't know it before I left) and I am thinking this return to Malawi will be a time of rejuvenation - not a time of sadness (although I feel sad now...probably because I had to say good-bye all over again - I hate saying good-bye).
So, cheers to me cheering up for some new and exciting adventures in Malawi. *deep breath* Okay, I'm ready. Let's do this.
Yet, the world I entered was not so familiar anymore. For instance, it's Germany, not America, but it is a world of many amenities. What? I don't have to wait on the side of the road for three hours to get to a grocery store? No rice and beans for two whole weeks?! Pizza and doner kebabs and schnitzel and chocolate and beer and wine at my disposal?!?!
However, I could sense myself comparing everything to Malawi. I referred to prices in kwacha, not euros. I told stories of my failures (there seems to be a lot more than I remember) and accomplishments (a lot fewer than I would expect) and at the same time trying not to bore everyone with my new life - my new life that I barely fit into and my old one that I can barely recognize. Limbo. Always in limbo.
The worst part is that I was surrounded by people who love me (Kathi, you're crazy! I know...). It was overwhelming. They love me and don't care about my failures and praise my mini accomplishments and not once did they demand that I loan them something and then not return it or ask for an obscene amount of money because obviously I am rich (okay, these things happens quite a bit in Malawi. I don't hold grudges and I understand the culture behind it - it's just exhausting to be seen as a dollar sign). They never stared or pointed or chased me around calling me azungu. They comforted me when I had my minor emotional moments when I got quiet and pensive and then sad and finally hungry.
We laughed. We played Uno. We played Apples to Apples. We drank schnapps when our tummies hurt after too much food. We swam in warm waters, visited Christmas markets and watched the final Harry Potter (YES!). Breakfasts of hard rolls and deli meat, whiskey tasting and visited castles on the Rein. Giant cheeseburgers danced in my head followed by beer by the liter. Gluwein, schnitzel and currywurst will tempt me in my dreams for the next 16 months and I can only hope that the chilly days I spent in Germany will stay with me for a little while as I drown in my own sweat on my concrete floor in my house. Thank you, thank you for everything. I love you so very much. I am lucky, blessed and spoiled.
And here I am in the Ethiopian airport, still saddened by my good-byes in Germany to my amazing and supportive family. I am struggling to get pumped for my arrival in Malawi (in about 4 short hours) but I might need some coffee or liquid sunshine or sleep before I can feel anything else.
For the record - I am not about to ET on anybody, so don't be getting any ideas. I am just reflecting. I am so very happy and grateful for the time I got to spend in Germany - it was too short! It was much needed (although I didn't know it before I left) and I am thinking this return to Malawi will be a time of rejuvenation - not a time of sadness (although I feel sad now...probably because I had to say good-bye all over again - I hate saying good-bye).
So, cheers to me cheering up for some new and exciting adventures in Malawi. *deep breath* Okay, I'm ready. Let's do this.
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