Why am I so happy?!

Looking back at where I was emotionally before I left for Malawi, I can't help but think "what a mess!" I don't even recognize that girl. I was crazy. I cried a lot. I had no idea what I was doing or if I really wanted to do it. I pushed important people in my life as far away from me as I could. I was neurotic. I was...lost.

And yes, the first few weeks took some time to adjust. I didn't just transform  while we were flying over the Atlantic. But overall, I am impressed with how adaptable I am. I felt the change in a matter of days: eating with my hands became second-nature, pooping in a hole became the preferred method and making friends turned out to be less hard than I expected (it turns out there are some really cool people in Peace Corps and for some reason these people seem to like me - who would have thought?)

So, here I am, content with my position in the world. I miss home, don't get me wrong, I would kill for some sushi, Thai or Indian. And I would love to see my family and friends (especially when I get off the phone after a long chat - all I want to do is curl up next to them and listen to them talk for hours about nothing or everything). On the other hand, my head, heart and soul feel so complete, like for the first time they are all in-sync with each other.

Why am I so happy? Someone stole my solar charger, my bike is broken and I barely understand the language. I am completely disconnected from the world - if I do get a phone call from home it is usually disconnected once or twice mid-conversation and doesn't usually last more than 20 minutes, once per week. Whenever I get on transport, I never know what time I will arrive at my destination, I have to carry water from a borehole everyday, I use candles and flashlights to see at night and it ususally gets dark by 6pm. I barely know how to cook, I feel somewhat useless at the hospital, I don't know where my money goes, I feel like I'm always waiting for something or someone or a ride to go somewhere.

Why am I so happy?!

I had it so easy in the States. A car (that sort of) took me anywhere I wanted to go whenever I wanted to go, I could buy food that someone else would cook for me, hot water ran through my tap, friends and family who spoke the same language I do (for the most part....John has a weird southern twang every once in a while and I cannot understand how or why or what he is saying...and usually it's over a one-syllable word), I could access the internet daily (oh wow, what a concept!) and no one was ever too far away.

I don't understand it, but yeah, my whole being is so completely excited to be here. The most thrilling thing is meeting new people. Everyday I meet someone where I learn something new or just have a super interesting conversation. Did this happen in the States and I just did not appreciate it?

I could be living in my happy-go-lucky bubble of Malawian love, sunshine and rainbows - it could pop at any second. But for now I'm going to float around in my bubble. Much like the Pope.